You know that moment. You look at your best friend and you both burst out laughing because of an inside joke. It's a silly goofy humour that only comes from shared moments together. An understood inside joke doesn't come from one moment ... it comes from experiencing life together, the ups, the quirks, the lows, the funny, the embarrassing, the shared suffering. Inside humour is built through the seasons shared and an intimate knowledge that gets revealed when walls come down and weaknesses are revealed, and accepted and embraced.
I just had the greatest inside laugh with Jesus. Laughter, peace and comfort filled my long broken day with light.
It happened when someone called me a rock. Well, it didn’t happen then, it happened while I was lying on my pillow thinking about it. Suddenly I felt God’s tender presence with me and it was like we exchanged a look. That look between two best friends. The one where merriment dances in your eyes and bubbles of laughter escape your lips. And suddenly laughter flooded me and burst forth around me. And the light and joy of His presence surrounded me.
Calling me a rock is like mistaking my 6lb Papillon for a 200lb Great Dane. Just. Not. Possible. And so Jesus and I shared this joyous incredible inside laugh because He alone knows how incredibly weak I am. In fact, my next children’s book is inspired from my many conversations with Him about my struggle and shame over my weaknesses. He sees every area of my life that I long for strength and have not yet attained. He sees and bottles the tears that no one sees or hears. He knows how I disdain my battle with depression and lack of energy. He sees what a mess I am. And we laughed. In the complete freedom of being accepted, loved and embraced exactly as I am. Selah!!
But I marvel, because this is not the first person to say I am a rock... how on earth do people see strength when all I see is weakness? Is it maybe because while I am not a rock, I am laying all my pitiful pieces upon THE Rock? I am flat on my back laying on the Rock that is higher than I. From this place on the rock, above my circumstances, in brokenness, laying with the sun on my face, the wind blowing across me and even the rain that comes and goes, I am somehow infused with Strength. I am not strong. BUT, I am resting on the Rock, the Strength and Refuge for my soul. Perhaps that is what the verse means when it says “when i am weak, then He is strong; therefore, I boast all the more of my weaknesses so that He may be glorified.” Oh what a strength and joy He is to my soul. If strength is lacking, I invite you to find quiet times to just be, with Jesus.
